About us

You can’t understand how important your credit score is. It is literally unknowable. Your credit score will persist long after your death and will continue to exert its cosmic influence on the universe for nameless eternities. Credit scores have existed long before mankind, and will continue long after our collective extinction. Zoltan Abernath was once a parlor magician, catering children’s birthday parties and office functions. But one dark day that all changed. While researching ancient magic tricks from the fertile crescent, Zoltan came upon an eldritch manuscript from beyond time and space. The words in this tome made him aware of the terrifying latticework below our subjective experience of the universe. He cannot unsee what he has exposed his fragile mind to, but he can use this maddening awareness to inform you about your credit report. By tapping into the source from which all things flow, Zoltan can tell you the exact particulars of every transaction you’ve ever made. There are so many ways that transactions can show up on your credit report, and not all of them include disastrous plagues or faceless beings. This site helps you with your credit score monitoring without opening your third eye to the horrifying secrets of the cosmos.


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